Friday, January 2, 2009

New Years Resolutions

Let's take a look at some New Year's Resolutions for 2009:

Brett Favre: Finally let the sport go. Brett, it's time to retire. Every player probably wonders what could be if they came back for one more year, but now it's time to go. And don't drag it out either. You're still a beloved figure in NFL history, don't change that.

Jose Reyes: Up your on base percentage to .400. The Mets will need to score a lot of runs with their starting pitching and it starts with Reyes.

NY Yankees: Don't let all this money go to waste. Specifically, CC Sabathia's waist.

Stephon Marbury: If you are lucky enough to go to the Celtics, don't do what you have done everywhere else you've been. Also, be nice to Rajon Rondo. His play is improving and no one needs you to corrupt the young man. Luckily the Big 3 should keep him in line.

Phil Hughes: Stay healthy. It's a make or break year for Hughes who needs to prove he is deserving of the Johan Santana non-trade.

NY Mets: Finish strong. In both individual games and the season as a whole. The Mets lead the majors in blown saves last year and blew a late lead in the division the past two years. Omar Minaya is doing his best to prevent a similar collapse by bringing in K-Rod and JJ Putz, but they'll need some more starting pitching to make it to the post-season.

Plaxico Burress: Get away from football and figure your life out. Use your teammates as resources and friends, not as alibis.

Hank Steinbrenner: Keep giving Red Sox fans a hard time. Whether or not ESPN likes it, it's good for the rivalry.

Eric Mangini: Change new-born son Zachary Brett Mangini's name to Zachary Scott Mangini and hope that's enough to convince Scott Pioli to take the Browns offer and hire you as coach.

NY Rangers: Trade for a scoring forward. The Rangers are off to a great start, but they miss Jagr more than their record indicates. Come playoff time goals will be at a premium and a front line scorer will help.

NY Knicks: Keep clearing cap space, but develop a back up plan for signing Lebron. Lebron will start to be happy in Cleveland if this winning keeps up. The Cavs are 26-5 and a lot closer to winning a championship than the Knicks. Luckily for NY basketball fans, the class of 2010 is pretty deep and Amare Stoudamire and/or Chris Bosh would make good consolation prizes. But nothing compares to King James.

NY Islanders: Don't finish with the worst record in the NHL.

NY Giants: Don't give Brandon Jacobs a mega-contract. Running backs slow down fast, especially when they have the running style of Brandon Jacobs. A big running back who welcomes contact is a dangerous commodity to pay a lot of money. Take a look at Shaun Alexander to see what happens to aging running backs.

Jets Fans: Don't get your hopes up no matter what happens next year. The possibility of a "same old Jets" collapse always looms.

Spike Lee: Offer Lebron a movie role.

Marty Brodeur: Use your injury as a chance to rest for the post-season.

Justin Tuck: Win the Super Bowl MVP you should've won last year.

NJ Nets: Move to Brooklyn already. 2010 is approaching rapidly and Lebron doesn't want to play in the Jersey.

Vernon Gholston: Wake up or you'll be a draft bust by mini-camp.

Derek Jeter: Return to your status as the greatest winner in baseball. Jeter didn't get the opportunity to shine on the October stage last year, but given the chance he's proven he will deliver.

Woody Johnson: Jets fans appreciate the free agent spending spree last off-season. But now is the time to show patience. This team can be good next year without any more panic moves.

Yankee Stadium and Citi Field: October baseball. Sure the free agent signings are a nice way to usher in the new stadiums, but playoff baseball is a much better way to do it. What made the old stadium great were the classic post-season moments, if you guys are going to live up to their legacy, then 2009 is a good time to start.

1 comment:

Chuck said...

How about:

A-Rod - get a clutch hit.